Fight With Finesse

Who Is Being Tested?

"All it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing."  ~ Edmund Burke

Have you ever kept quiet and watched wrong doing mushroom out of control?  You just wanted to get along, to avoid confrontation.

By not speaking up and taking action early, the evil grew larger, much more dangerous. The costs and risks became far more severe. 

Guarding Goodness Is An Important Part of Being Good. When we don't guard goodness, evil triumphs.

If you can get people to stand by and do nothing while they watch good, righteous people being assaulted and abused it shows they won't fight back when the same things happen to them, their families and loved ones. They've lost the ability to stand up and fight for what's right, good and just.

When People Stop Guarding Goodness Evil Triumphs. An assault victim once looked me in the eye and said, "It's not me that's being tested, it's you." Their comment was chilling.

If I was not willing to stand up, take action and support them, the same thing could happen to me and it did. It was a reminder that guarding goodness is an important part of being good.

Rekindle Your Determination To Stand Up For What Is Right, Support Targets of Abuse and Aggression.  It's the best and only way to keep the world safe for you and your loved ones.

Guard Goodness So Evil Does Not Triumph.

Copyright © 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Email info at FightwithFinesse.com for reprint rights. Comment below

Deal with Dirt Decisively

Corruption Is Costly - It benefits a selfish few while poisoning the entire organization.

Resources wrongfully redirected, misplaced focus, corruption trumping competence, all seriously drain and corrode corporate well-being.

Expect rot and wrong doing as an inevitable part of doing business and Deal with Dirt Quickly and Decisively So You Don't Have To Defend It in the Future.

Relief comes from removing the wrongdoing and clearing the corporate conscience. No matter how difficult and enduring the dirt, end it as quickly and decisively as possible. In communications:

• Place Principles Above Personalities
• Focus on WHAT Was Wrong rather than WHO Was Wrong
• Emphasize Evidence that Provides Enduring Examples that can Lead to Future Excellence

Use the Gold Fish Test - Expect the dirt to become public, what do you want the press to say?

Ideally you want them to report what you did, the dirt you identified and dealt with rather than rot you face. Your choice, your career.

Do you want to Defend the Dirt and concoct a continual cover up and crises of conscience and credibility?  

Or ~ Deal with dirt directly and decisively, quickly clearing corruption and the corporate conscience so the organization can move forward positively, productively, enthusiastically. Is there a choice?

Copyright © 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Email info at FightwithFinesse.com for reprint rights. Comment below!

Be A Pleasant, Powerful and Persistent Peer

Position Yourself as a Pleasant, Powerful, Persistent Peer

A talented friend had her excellent leadership materials downgraded and disparaged by a low level gatekeeper who had deceptively renamed her topic.

In a discouraged moment she said, "I'll call her next week to see if we can reopen the discussions."

Ouch! By mentally positioning ourselves as subordinate supplicants and speaking from that perspective we give people power over us. Power that hurts us, power they do not deserve and should not have.

I bit my tongue and did not speak. These words screamed in my mind:

Our Mental Perspectives Determine the Positions Others Take - Position Yourself as a Pleasant, Powerful and Persistent Peer! Don't talk down to people or up to people.

Talking down to them puts them in a subservient position that is demeaning. Talking up to them as a supplicant hands your power over to them.

When you have to lean on people do it pleasantly and with a smile. Radiate lots of positive energy. Expect success.

Make It Clear Your Position will Prevail Assume the power to achieve your goal and success and you will have it.

Use Simple Clear Statements of Fact Do Not Try To Justify or Argue

"The page needs to be titled Leadership, how do we get this fixed quickly?" If there's resistance, continue... "Everyone will benefit from this change."

Find ways to show your opponent how they will gain from your request. Focus on benefits. Make it seem resistance is silly and counterproductive.

"I'm not going to argue with you. The Board and the Membership know the package as Leadership. The current title is deceptive and misleading." "Can you get it fixed fast or do I have to speak to someone above you?"

No need to get personal with words like your title. Give the other side wiggle room to reject the wrong along with you.

Focus on their resistance to comply with your request instead. "Why do you continue to defend a name that is clearly wrong, inaccurate and deceptive?

Leaders wouldn't look for their materials in that category?"

"I need to know you are going to change it right now, can I count on you to do it?"

If they don't comply escalate. "The Leadership materials need to be described as Leadership because that's what they are and that's how people know them. The current title is deceptive and misleading. This is a silly thing to argue about, let's get it fixed."

Be A Pleasant, Powerful and Persistent Peer

Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Email info at FightwithFinesse.com for reprint rights. Comment below!

The Goldfish Test

Whew, it's so simple!

It's so much easier and less stressful to make good decisions and take right actions you can be proud of when you simply decide to always try to do the right thing.

Ask "What is the right thing to do?" and answer openly, honestly, completely.

What are the costs of not doing it? What are the benefits that come from doing the right thing?

The truth is very powerful, trust in the power of the truth. Very often, simply being open and absolutely honest is the wisest course of action and all that is called for.

You don't have to punish, hurt or lie. Simply speak the truth openly, honestly, completely and let the world decide.

Use The Goldfish Test - If the situation was absolutely open and the world knew all the details of what was being done, how would they feel?

What would they think about you and your part? How would you feel yourself if the world knew all the details about how you work and live? Pleased and proud? Ashamed and guilty?

Secrets Are Stressful - If you have to keep secrets about what you're doing, something is often wrong. We obviously have to protect ourselves from revealing too much but that's different from being ashamed we'll be found out.

Are you participating in a cover up? If you're ashamed, guilty and worried about being found out, don't do it. Don't assume you can get away with the wrong. Even if you can, you won't feel good about it. You won't feel truly happy or successful.

Worry isn't worth it. The Big Conflict -Very often what we want to do and what we think is the right thing to do are two very different things. We need to be a little bit selfish and watch out for ourselves, especially when the costs and risks are not too great.

Driving Discipline with Desire - When faced with bad temptations, detach quickly and focus on wanting the benefits of the right course of action far more than and perceived rewards from doing wrong.

When you look at the rewards of the wrongs, they probably aren't all that great. Live like a goldfish.

Copyright © 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Email info at FightwithFinesse.com for reprint rights. Comment below!

Protecting Integrity

The perils of not standing up for what's right and the importance of protecting integrity were shown in two stories a wise man told this morning. The first is a fine example of fighting with finesse, the second describes the dangers of not pushing back and then how to recover.

A little girl asked about the white hairs appearing in her mother's hair. When the mother said, "Each white hair comes from a time when you make me angry or worried" the little girl replied, "Is that why Grandmother's hair is completely white?" Push back positively!

The second and more poignant story was about a little boy who was given two new ties, a blue one and a green. He wore the blue tie the first day and his parents asked, "Don't you like the green one?" He didn't push back and say he just wanted to wear the blue that day.

The next day when he put on the green tie, his parents asked, "What's wrong with the blue tie, don't you like it?" Again, he didn't push back and say, "I wore the blue tie yesterday, I want to wear the green today." He tried too hard to appease people who were impossible to please.

The third day he wore both ties in frustration, they responded, "What's wrong with you, are you crazy?"

Sometimes to remain silent is to lie. - Miguel de Unamuno

Corporate environments often support managers who are impossible to please. Recognize their game, understand what to do about it.

See Managing for Mediocrity below.

The little boy with the two ties is actually in the better position. He has shown he is willing to try to get along and he has done his homework. The little girl could be faulted for a wise crack. The little boy did what successful corporate managers often do. Go in with a low profile, watch, listen and learn all you can before you make decisions public. Then stand up smiling and push back in powerfully positive, appealing ways.

Name The Game Truthfully - Adopt an attractive, amusing tone and speak the truths everyone already knows to be evident. Avoid personal attacks and accusations.

Evil doers don't want to be exposed, public disclosure often stops them cold. Make jokes about their confusion about which tie to select when, their dishonesty, their inability to identify and pursue key goals, to lead in a clear, effective manner.

Emphasize the wasteful distractions their inane, dishonest antics present. Focus on what is truly important.

Shine Brightly. Above all, be the very best you can be. They want to demoralize and disable you, don't let them. Prepare your next move. Build public support for your leadership, integrity, abilities and insight.

Always Change A Loosing Game. Your ammunition is the data and documentation you have assembled about their operations. A 180 degree turn in strategy and personality derails the abusers, they don't expect it.

Changing your game cheerfully forces them to change theirs.

Integrity, like love, is most powerful when it is both constant and unconditional.

Copyright © 1999-2008, Michele Moore.  All Rights Reserved.  This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without written permission.  Comment below.

Darth Vader on Trust

Trusting dishonest, deceitful people is always disastrous!  When we do, we get burned. We want the best so we believe in the best.

We see the world as we are, not as it is. ~ Anais Nin

The next time you're tempted to deal with dishonest, deceitful people, remember Darth Vader and how he came into being.

Anakin Skywalker betrayed his fellow Jedi knights, his integrity and himself in a vain attempt to save his beloved wife. He trusted the Chancellor with his most precious possessions, his family, his future, his life.

The Chancellor didn't care about Anakin's wife, in fact she was in his way. He wanted Anakin's soul and he got it.

When you can get a person to betray their values for you, you own them.

It's not a comfortable place to be, loosing your self and your soul to be controlled by a dishonest, deceitful person.

It's also a place where none of us have to stay.

Goodness and truth are always waiting for us with open arms. All we have to do is step up and embrace them.

Copyright © 1999-2008, Michele Moore.  All Rights Reserved.  This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without written permission.  Comment below.

Managing for Mediocrity

Have you watched cloying incompetents being promoted beyond their wildest dreams while the truly talented are continually blocked, frustrated and abused?

It's a classic mark of mediocre management. Why does it happen?

Inadequate managers are incredibly insecure, talented people scare their socks off. They are not comfortable around talented people so they subvert, sabotage and block them to protect their own positions, prestige and careers.

Inadequate managers often promote incompetents they both know cannot find comparable opportunities elsewhere.

The manager owns the incompetent.

Personal loyalties take precedence over good management principles and the organization's best interests, goals and future.

The turtle sitting on top of the fence post did not get there by itself. It is loyal only to the person who put it there and keeps it there. It has no other options.

Truly talented people often go to great lengths trying to win acceptance and approval that can never come from inadequate managers and authority figures. The better they are, the bigger their problems.

Inadequate authority figures try to disable with constant criticism, continually changing directives, self doubt, distress and despair.

Talented people can move on, take over, ignore it or live in misery.

Help them remember who they are and what they can do. Encourage them to strut their best stuff and triumph over the inadequate, the dishonest and the incompetent.

Leaders define expectations, they don't let expectations define them. ~ Michele Moore

Copyright © 1999-2008, Michele Moore.  All Rights Reserved.  This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without written permission or email info at FightWithFinesse.com Comment Below!

Amused, Attractive Assertiveness

What's the best way to present a powerful, positive personality throughout the business day?

Consciously project an aura of amused, attractive assertiveness.

In your mind's eye, see yourself smiling, successful, confident, powerful and pleasant. See yourself at your most confident, successful best.

Feel those feelings and then honestly project them. Practice this regularly over time and this goal will become a role that is real and authentic for you.

Whatever we focus on and continually practice eventually becomes habit. When we don't consciously decide what we want to do and project, our environment and our experience determine our reactions for us. They may not always serve us well.

Use a little yellow rubber duck to remind you to glide gracefully through business confrontations with an aura of amused, attractive assertiveness.

Paddle like crazy below water when you need to where only the fish will see you.

Smile, glide gracefully and purposefully through business confrontations publicly.

If you react to what your adversaries say or do, they gain control of your actions and feelings.

Hold on to your personal power! Fuel your life and your work with fun. Live and work according to only the best values. Continually radiate confident, energized, well-being. And adopt an aura of attractive, amused assertiveness.

Copyright © 1999-2008, Michele Moore.  All Rights Reserved.  This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without written permission or email info at FightWithFinesse.com Comment Below!

Push Back Graciously and Gracefully

Do You Ever Feel Run Over in Meetings? Diminished? Disparaged? Ignored? Disregarded? Hold your own. Defend your turf, your ideas, your future, your promotions and your career!

Powerful, dominant people like to control meetings, direct the processes and the people who attend them.

Use these strategies to hold your ground and defend your turf from competitors and rivals in nice, powerful, personable and positive ways.

Fans of Magnetic Voice will recognize many techniques from that program.

Continually Radiate Confidence and Relaxed, Energized Well-being. Smile As You Speak. Speak slowly, powerfully, purposefully. Project your voice to the back of the room. Push back powerfully, personably and positively.

Don't Disagree, Argue or Say, "No!" State contrary positions in clear, positive, compelling terms. Emphasize and expand the benefits and rewards of your suggestion and the dangers of doing it differently.

Share goals and ideals EVERYONE can embrace and few can fault.

Take this lesson from history... President Lincoln didn't criticize the Confederacy in his Gettysburg Address and Dr. King didn't run down bigots in his I Have A Dream speech.

Instead, Lincoln talked about "a government of the people, for the people and by the people" where "all men are created equal." Dr. King's dream was a future where his children "will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Strong, powerful visions that united our country behind a common goal and changed the world.

How can you be more like them?

Speak with Dominant People's Rhythm, Beat, Phrasing and Tone - Study the rhythm, beat, phrasing and tone of dominant people's speech and use it when you speak. You will sound more like them and your communications will appear more powerful.

Learn Their Lingo, Talk Their Language. But always keep it clean, elegant, powerful, above board.

Use Humor, Fun, Jokes and Amusement Liberally and Aggressively. Avoid sarcasm and ridicule.

Grab Agreement and Compliments Every Way You Can. If they try to steal your idea, tell them you are delighted they agree and support YOUR suggestion. Rehearse, prepare powerful, positive defensive lines ready to counter credit grabbers. Smile, say "Oh, I am so glad you approve. Can we count on your support as I lead the effort to get it done?"

Leaders Define Expectations, They Don't Let Expectations Define Them! ~ Michele Moore

Be Eager to Influence NOT Eager to Please - Be eager to exert your authority and share your opinion. This is very different from seeking approval. You want respect. Approval and affection are for lap dogs.

Don't Look to Audiences for Approval. You Won't Get It.

Looking for Approval Gives Adversaries Power and Control of Your Feelings.

Hook Attention with Abundant Agreement and Positive Energy - Agree and direct the discussion your way. Positive energy attracts attention and makes people want to listen.

Learn to Interrupt Effectively - If interruption is part of your corporate culture, learn to do it well. Interrupt by saying the speaker's name while they are talking. Roy can become a four syllable word until he stops talking. Say their name first, then state your key point.

Don’t begin with your comment, you won't be heard and don’t have the group's attention.

Project a Powerful Physical Presence - Project Your Voice Slowly, Clearly, Powerfully.

Plan Your Physical Position Carefully - sitting next to a big boss often tends to transfer their power to you in other people’s perceptions.

Sit Across from the Boss when You Want To Get Their Attention - Sit in a prominent position where they will see you continually during the meeting.

Remember Right Hand People Tend To Favor Their Left Side - If you are right handed you will tend to direct your attention to the left hand side of the room and overlook and even ignore people on your right side.

Push Back Powerfully, Purposefully, with Positive Personality. Radiate Confident, Energized, Relaxed Well-Being.

Smile as You Speak with Confidence and Certainty!

Copyright © 1999-2008, Michele Moore.  All Rights Reserved.  This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without written permission or email info at FightWithFinesse.com Comment Below!

Learn to Shoot to Succeed in Business

I've been opposed to the open sale of hand guns most of my life. I am still not comfortable with a gun in my house or my car. I don't fault people who like guns, I just don't particularly want them around me.

It may come as a surprise that I recommend all business people learn to shoot because firing a pistol changes your life and your perspectives.

It helps you connect with a power, an assertiveness, a feeling of fight that is valuable in all aspects of life, including business combat.

An hour on the shooting range and a couple of boxes of ammunition is better than a massage.  You leave feeling thoroughly relaxed, powerful and happy.

Many men serve in the military, many women are now serving too.

If you are serious about succeeding in business, learn to shoot.

I recently took a gun safety class at a shooting range near me. The first three and a half hours we learned about all the things you should definitely NOT do:

• Never show a gun unless you are prepared to use it.

• You may use lethal force only when you are absolutely sure it is the only way to protect yourself or others from death or bodily harm.

• If you shoot in anger or revenge it is murder!  Chilling, important reminders.

I recalled my father's warning, "The most important thing whenever you shoot a gun is What's BEHIND Your Target!"

Then we went into the range. I chose a 9 millimeter Glock semi automatic, a popular choice for law enforcement. Ear and eye protection are mandatory. We were cautioned to point loaded guns only down range.

It's frightening when you first feel the gun go off in your hands, then you gradually connect with the power. My first shot was a 9 not far from a 10 bulls eye. The more I shot, the more I enjoyed it.

My targets are posted on garage walls at my home, signed and dated. Wednesday is Ladies Day at the range, ladies shoot for free. I pay $10 to rent the Glock, $10 for each box of 50 shells I shoot and another $5 or so for targets, ear and eye protection. (The prices have gone up dramatically recently!)

Wednesdays are staffed by attractive young men who are very expert at teaching once you have been through their gun safety course. You don' t need other help.

I consistently hit the center of targets at 30 to 35 feet, good enough to qualify for Secret Service or FBI work. I like the feeling of power of the gun going off in my hands. I am still learning not to flinch when I shoot.

I understand how guns work, I respect them, I am not afraid of them.

If you are serious about succeeding in business, learn to shoot. It will change you in ways that will help you succeed and be happy.

Copyright © 1999-2008, Michele Moore.  All Rights Reserved.  This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without written permission or email info at FightWithFinesse.com Comment Below!